It is hard for me to describe what I have been feeling lately. Maybe it has a lot to do with becoming a mother for the first time, but it also goes much deeper than that. I have been on a spiritual search recently.
I have had plenty of time to ponder on the most important things in life while at home, off work, anticipating the birth of our first son. And, when it is all broken down, all I see as important are the people in my life. My husband, My baby on the way, My family, and My friends. One way that I got really started on this journey recently is through discovering that I have people in my life who I have considered friends, and they still are friends, that are not Christian. I am by no means the person to PUSH Christianity down someones throat by living my life as an example, because I know I am not a shining example of how to live your life as a Christian at times.
At the same time I have always been a believer, as long as I can remember. I can remember believing that Jesus loved me as a small child (both my parents always instilled a Christian love inside me), and I can remember choosing to accept Christ when I was a young adolescent, and I have experienced very strong as well as very weak moments in my walk as a Christian over my lifetime. I am embarrassed to admit how often I've read and studied the Bible just this year. My point being, my life needs work spiritually. My attention needs to be on me and how to improve my walk with Christ, not on others.
It goes deeper than that though. Those whom I call friend, I love dearly. It truly breaks my heart to think that one of my friends does not have peace in their life. They are not comforted by the same God who so lovingly always accepts me back even when I have pushed him aside over and over again. I have peace and comfort in times when things are unimaginably bad in my life because I know I have a God that loves me and forgives me and comforts me and heals me, over and over again.
If I wanted to take this one step further I would say that is disturbs me even more that these self proclaimed 'non believers' are raising children. How is it possible that someone with my same viewpoints and interests in so many other areas could be missing this one HUGE piece of there personal life? How can you raise a child to have no beliefs? How does that child receive comfort if the PHYSICAL things are no longer present in their life?
And that brings me back to my current state, becoming a mother. God is calling me, not softly, and not nugging, but SCREAMING to me at this point in my life. He so desperately wants me to experience all the wonderful things he has in store for my life as a mother, that he is TELLING my heart, 'this is your time,Kelly.'
The scripture that is starting me back on my quest for CHRIST in my life is Psalm 139. This scripture just seems like the appropriate starting place for me on my new quest in Christ. I want to seek him in all I do, not just the really good times to praise him and the really bad times to ask for his help, but in all times for his guidance in my life.
Here's the scripture: Psalm 139
Theme of this scripture: God is all-seeing, all-knowing, all-powerful, and everywhere present. God knows us, and his greatest gift is to allow us to know him.
I am not writing the scripture out here, in hopes that each of you will study this scripture with me this week. It's so amazing to me that God knows us, every single tiny detail about us, and he still chooses to allow us to know him. He wants us to know him, and for that I couldn't be more thankful.
My hope is to show God's love through my life. To teach my new baby boy about Jesus, and to give him the gift of comfort that can come only from believing in God. I know I will stumble, I always do, and I know I'm very likely to fall, I have before. I want to remember 2009 as the birth of a new me, not just the birth of my first child. A me who prays daily and multiple times daily, who reads and studies the bible for true meaning in my life, and a me that strives to put God before everything. To glorify him in happiness and sorrow, and to let his LOVE show through my life. I know that with God, my marriage and motherhood will be blessed with strength and guidance.
Like I stated above, God has called me. He has called me to be the best mother I can be by trusting in Him. God has called me to be a witness of Christian love to my son and my husband, and for that I am thankful.
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6 months ago
1 comments:
Like you, I think it's so important for children to see their parents believing and living their faith. I'm not intending to judge others when I say this (though perhaps it sounds as if I am), but I do feel that children who grow up without the values and experiences of a religious upbringing are at a serious spiritual disadvantage, especially considering the extremely materialistic and secular nature of today's culture. I am far, far, far from being a perfect Christian example to my children, but I strive to raise them in our faith and help them understand why it is so important. Carry on, my friend. God will always guide us through this most important task we have of raising our children to love and follow Him.
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